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BULLYING? PC Experts vs Old Fashioned Values

05 February 2010 From the Editors desk...

All the so-called ''experts'' have again come out of the woodwork with their words of wisdom on ''bullying''. Now, don''t get me wrong I am not belittling that it is a serious issue, but the ''experts'' drive me insane. Half of them don''t even have kids, are just over-educated ''child education'' specialists, or they are men over the age of 50 who probably never had any day to day interaction with their own kids as they were too busy ''learning'' about them. All sorts of reasons (or in a lot of the case, blame) is bandied around, everything from violent video games to incompetent teaching... As a boring old uneducated ''mum'', I have my theory as well, and I think the biggest problem is kids being so damn ''Precious'' and the ''Political Correctness'' in education and parents themselves.

If you believe the ''experts'' and their advice on the likes of ''red pens'' hurting self-esteem, ''reasoning'' with kids (yeah right! try that with a 3 year old), and all the other psycho-babel, there must be a humungous percentage of our population now that are just so scarred, getting therapy. I mean, gee, I remember a kid in grade one pulling a girls hair, the teacher grabbed his hair, asked him how it felt, the kid in question was humiliated as this happened in front of the other kids, and was then told to go and apologise. Now, this happened to a ''precious'' little grade one kid, but, the teacher had been watching the antics for a while, and did warn the kid to ''play nicely'', and the kid chose to ignore that warning and of course paid the consequences. NOW, the experts would have us believe that the boy in question is now a total fruit-cake because of that behaviour from the uncaring teacher. Of course it goes without saying that the teacher would now be on a Current Affair quick smart, not to mention in court if they did that today. You know what really happened, that boy is now a police officer, quite high up and doing very well, and the other boys that hung with him, stopped picking on that group of girls as they saw what happened to their ''leader'' and did not want to go there.

The moral of my little true story above, is that A. The kid causing harm was shown there were ramifications for doing so. B. The kid who was bullied felt there was justice in this world and didn''t live in fear, C. The Teacher was allowed to not only ''actually do their job'', but allowed to be a ''responsible'' adult. Now, I am only 42 so that is not so long ago, yet for some reason, it has all changed. You look sideways at a kid and you can get in trouble. Gone are the days when if a teacher or another person in authority told your parents you had done anything wrong that you actually got in trouble for it. Nowadays, the parents would be up at the school, abusing the teachers for ''speaking to little Johnny like that as he is so sensitive'', or worse.

Yeah, a lot of stuff that happened years ago was not good, BUT, the pendulum has swung way to far! Parents need to take responsibility for the attitudes of their kids from day dot, and teachers need to be allowed to reprimand again. All the campaigns in the world are not going to help, as the only people interested in them are adults and older children, that is too late.

My top 10 of politically incorrect old day parenting favourites (well they are now according to experts) that could help with bullying are:

1. Kids being expected to say please & thank you from the time they can utter a word
2. Getting in trouble for not sharing, if you wont'' share the game, it get''s taken off you.
3. Having respect if someone else is speaking, and waiting until a gap in the conversation to ask your question.
4. Listening to all adults, even if you think what they are saying is pretty dodgy, well, you keep your mouth shut and ask mum & dad about it later.
5. No Excuses! Being punished if a child does something wrong
6. Learning the world doesn''t revolve around you, if mum & dad have a barbie and you hate the friends kids, sorry about that, you have to be nice to them and play together for a couple of hours, stiff bikkies, it is polite.
7. Do as you are told! Sometimes there is a reason mum or dad doesn''t have time to ''rationally explain'' why they want you to do something. Just respect your parents and trust there is a good reason, there normally is!
8. If you see someone doing something wrong, report it to the nearest adult, you are not being a tattle-tail, you are helping a victim. To stand by and watch a bully doesn''t make you a hell of a lot better then the bully.
9. It is NEVER acceptable to be racist or pick on another kid because of their weight, looks, social status etc...
10. My personal favourite and heard it over & over from teachers & nuns, "How would you feel If... someone did that to you? someone treated you like that? someone spoke to you like that? someone ignored you like that? the list goes on...

What are your favourites? I know my mum had some pearlers that still come out of my mouth sometimes (even though I swore as a kid I would never say that). We all survived for 100''s of years before the ''experts'' hit the scene, so what are your old fashioned pearlers from your parents or grand-parents that actually taught you respect and how to be ''decent'' people, as let''s face it, Decent people don''t bully or treat people badly?

Love to hear your feedback, just use the ''comments'' below :)
Cheers,
Noely
The Editors Desk

Permanent Link: BULLYING? PC Experts vs Old Fashioned Values
Publish Date: 05 Mar 10

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Comments / Have your say

I agree so much with all of this. I see parents turning the other way when their precious little angels do something wrong. My son is very hard work, he is naughty and gets distracted all the time but I still teach him manners and I try very hard to be on his case all the time. No one said parenting was easy but that is not an excuse to have kids and let them run wild.

THERE HAS TO BE A SOLUTION - there has to be something that all the parents (and non-parents - very sad that some people have chosen not to have kids because of this problem) who are in agreement can do to rectify this.
Can our world deteriorate anymore before we take a stand

Stacey of Maroochydore

15 of 1512th March 2010, 11.39am
I agree wholeheartedly..... I grew up and was schooled in the UK. There was always a school bully but nothing to the scale it is now. The principle of my upbringing was 'treat others as you would like to be treated yourself' and my children were brought up with the same values.

June Mason of Beerwah

14 of 156th March 2010, 9.47am
It's amazing how everyone seems to agree with this writer, however do they "really" put this theory into practice. If everyone did, we would not have these kids bullying and committing the crimes that they do. I am sorry, but I do feel there are a lot of hypocrites in this world and that even includes these so called "experts" in how to bring up your children. I am 62 years of age and I do feel my children were not bad done by as they now both have decent families of their own. Nothing wrong with that good old fashioned discipline without the intervention of these "experts".

Concerned of Sunny Coast

13 of 156th March 2010, 9.11am
Great work! - perhaps this should be circulated throughout the schools for ALL parents to read. Kids do respond better to boundaries and it seems there are a LOT who have none. Parents need to "harden up" and take their role responsibly - it's not just about the "baby bonus" or welfare payments. The "precious" children are going to make the whole of society pay and it is hard to see how they are going to make a worthwhile contribution in the future if they aren't instilled with some basic core values - at home. By the time they get to school it is a bit late and that is NOT the teacher's job.

Kathryne of Sippy Downs

12 of 156th March 2010, 8.56am
I TOTALLY agree. As a 36 yr old Qualified Nurse who is happily married I would have to say that one of the main reasons why my husband & I have chosen not to have children (through our own choice alone) is because of this very twisted mentality. It is such a 'child-centric' society to the point of being debilitating in so many ways.
Thanks for such a clear and correct evaluation of a HUGE problem. Of course it can be corrected but it will take a bit of rough & tumble to knock some of these people with the mentality that 'child's rights come first before all others' of their soap box's.

Sunshine Coast Gal

11 of 155th March 2010, 5.14pm
Agree wholeheartedly. I find it interesting that everyone who has commented so far also agree... so if that is so why are there so many kids out there that don't have "old school" parents?? or is it just that I am stuck in a school surrounded by these new style parents who seem to feel it is up to someone else to deal with their children, but of course in a subtle, kind and loving manner (none of this discipline stuff for their kids!!)

Bree Hale of Coolum Beach

10 of 155th March 2010, 12.56pm
1. Noely replied to Bree Hale
  
  5th March 2010, 1.28pm
  
  I also find it interesting that all on here seem to be agreeing Bree? Normally I write a rant and the amount of people telling me I am naive, stupid, get a life, the list goes on, not that I mind, as hey, at least someone bothered to take the time to express an opinion. Maybe all the naysayers will come in over the weekend, particularly those mums that used to stare daggers at me when I made their kids say thank you before getting birthday cake at parties LOL!
Thankyou so much for finaly being real noely i'm very politicaly incorrect and agree with you .My son has been bullied for being polite and dressing in his uniform and ironically it is by a group of boys that don't go to the regular high school but flexi school which is for parents that can't be bothered and students that go there just so they can collect there student payment from the government it can't be for the education they only go there 1 or 2 days a week, the last time my son was bullied by this group was on the school bus and the group had ethier been drinking or off their face on something and they threatend him with phisical violence all the way home for 1/2 hr we have tried to teach our son to be a bigger person and ignore it but i,m begining to get sick of the fact that these bullies have more power given to them due to people and their pc attitudes , I was told when i was standing up for my son that I would'nt want do say anything because i would have to deal with the father just like the bus driver did when he kicked the kids of the bus for bulling on a seperate occasion and the bus driver got that scared by the agression shown to him by the father the bus driver let them back on the bus and they get to do what ever they want even been drunk and aggresive to students on a school bus, were does it stop maybe by doing this sort of thing people will become more aware the pen is mightier than the sword and then our kids can be safe again .The ex--sperts say that punishment to bullies will hurt their self esteem boo hoo they got their ego brused how about all the children that that one child hurt sthats a life time of soul distruction they and their families have to mend.

Amie Webber of Conodale

9 of 155th March 2010, 12.25pm
I'm a first timer here and already I love your style. All I can say is Here Here. I couldnt have said it better myself.

It starts in the home and moves to the schools and hopefully by the end of school you have respectful children that you can be proud of (in everyones eyes)

All the do gooders need to sit back shutup and mind their own business.

Diane of Noosaville

8 of 155th March 2010, 11.49am
hey all you, according to the experts you are a bunch of kid slapping mean people!
Count me in! I agree, we are creating generations of people that one day knife you down over a pack of milk, because they dont know that there is limits, and crossing the limits will cost them, instantly, harshly.

Rick of Noosa

7 of 155th March 2010, 11.47am
I'm only a 31 year old mother and i totally agree with everything you said. Perhaps it was because my Grandparents brought me up. Children today have little respect and it is because they are not being taught it. As a society, we baby these kids and don't let them know the ramifications of their actions. The fact that several children 12 years of age are taking knives to school proves this.

When i was 12 which was not that long ago, you didn't even swear with your friends. Now it seems to be a problem from year 3. I was always too scared of getting into trouble from school or guardians. Kids today aren't. They don't have boundaries. Because parents are too busy (working) they give in to them to shut them up. Look what it's doing to us. It doesn't take much time to parent correctly. In fact it saves time in the end.

Rochelle of Nambour

6 of 155th March 2010, 11.37am
Hi Noely

Just had to congratulate you on your article on political correctness this morning. I am 61 and I agree with you... perhaps even more than you agree with you!!!

This whole world has gone silly as far as PC goes, to the detriment of our entire society.... and one wonders where it's all going to lead eventually. Kinda glad I won't be here in a hundred years..... what on earth can be done to 'pull it back' ......... seems it's all gone far to far to remedy at all.

( Can't remember where I read it... )

'Political Correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical, liberal minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end.'

Pauline of Sunshine Coast

5 of 155th March 2010, 11.30am
Good for you Noely, you have a great way with words and say it like it is and like I would like to say it.

Best I can say is DITTO DITTO DITTO.

I am 58yrs old and was brought up to take responsibility for my own actions and to respect and consider all others.

There were rules and if you broke those rules whether you agreed or not there was consequences. (Including a wack or two on occassion - generally deserved).

All this psychobabble about 'self esteem' and so called reasoning with 'naughty' toddlers has got way out of hand. It concerns me how these kids are going to survive in the real world in the future.

Vikki of Bli Bli

4 of 155th March 2010, 11.07am
Funny how we want what is best for our kids and work hard to give them everything that they have -however what we forget or we fail to give them is the manners, the confidence yet respect, to grow up to be someone we can be proud of. I'm not talking about academically but socially!
I have a primary school age child and I'm a single mum doing my best to give my daughter every possible start in life. I don't want her to grow up being pandered and believing that life "owes her" or it's ok to bully someone cause you don't like them.
Punishment should be allowed (to a degree). I don't believe in hitting kids (and this doesn't take into account smacking a toddler gently (which is all it takes at that age).
School Age children should be shamed and named if they do something horrible to another person. Make them accountable! It is not ok to treat someone who is fat/overweight/wears glasses or you generally don't like with anything other than kindness and respect. They have feelings and sometimes in wrapping our children in cotton wool we forget to talk about these issues!

Samantha of Buderim

3 of 155th March 2010, 10.18am
Good on you Noely! You preach Common Sense and I hope it catches on... Keep it up.

Steve

2 of 155th March 2010, 10.14am
Agree wholeheartedly, PC has gone way to far, and is being pushed and promoted by a generation that never had it imposed on themselves. Most of them grew up OK.

Mind you back in the day (private school where corporal punishment wasn't banned) if you did the wrong thing, it cost you with humiliation and some pain. Not great for the self esteem, but you did know for sure what was expected of you.

Then there was the Saturday detentions doing gardening in the Dep. Heads house, not fun at all. Repeat offending was therefore highly discouraged. At all times your parents were informed, and then you get grilled over what you did wrong (again). Parents didn't want to have a go at the teachers believing their son was the golden child. (I wasn't)

There would be public outrage at that sort of treatment now, but in the day that was considered tame compared to the previous decade.

There must be some middle ground, or a generation of pansies (not PC) will rule the world.

Stephen of Noosa

1 of 155th March 2010, 8.47am
1. Peter replied to Stephen
  
  5th March 2010, 10.11am
  
  Stephen - you're spot-on - I'm sixtysix now and I watch parents and their children - it's sometimes just heartbreaking to imagine how they become responsible adults. Sorry to say that - but it seems to be true.
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